The Crumbling: The Dark Night of the Soul

Why Your Breakdown Is Actually a Breakthrough

The beginning of the dark night of the soul …

For most of my life, I did everything “right.”

I checked all the boxes …

✔️High achiever
✔️”Successful” business owner
✔️ Perfect body
✔️ Independent gal (which I later found out was a *trauma response* 🤪).

I pushed, hustled and forced my way through life, driven by what I now know is a deep-seated fear of failure, of not being enough.

I wore the mask of a gal who had it all together.

Until one day, I couldn’t anymore.

This is the story of how I lost everything … the business, the money, the identity, the illusion of control—and found myself in the process. 🥰

Buckle up, betches. This is one for the books.

Stage 1 of the Dark Night of The Soul: When Survival Patterns Stop Working

Over the last 24 months, I walked through what some would call a dark night of the soul.

Others might call it a full-blown identity collapse. 😵‍💫

Either way, it was the unraveling of everything I thought I was.

I had spent years ignoring my body’s whispers—the exhaustion, the anxiety, the gut-wrenching feeling that I was living a life of a fraud – one that wasn’t truly mine.

Eventually, those whispers became screams: panic attacks, depression, full-on burnout – mental, physical and emotional. And I’m a Burnout & Nervous System Coach …

The only way I knew how to cope? Numbing.

Wine. Overworking. Chasing external validation.

Alcohol became my bestie during the unraveling phase. Not the healthiest coping mechanism… but she was really good at her job.

Anything to avoid feeling the emptiness creeping in.

At this point though, no matter how much I ran, I couldn’t outrun myself.

BEFORE PICTURES: Before & During Dark Night of the Soul

You can see the sadness, the tiredness and the emptiness in my eyes.

The Breaking Point: When Burnout Leads to an Identity Collapse (The Start of the Ego Death & Spiritual Awakening)

I had built a business from the ground up, one that, from the outside, looked wildly successful. 🥵

We’re talking $10k – $40k cash months, living at the beach in a luxury apartment, being my own BOSS & the “freedom” to curate my days as I want to.

This is of course what you saw on Instagram 😉

I often documented: The perfect curated morning overlooking the resort-style pool, long sunrise walk, Stripe notifications with multi-4 figure PIF’s.

But behind the scenes?

I was drowning. Hustling out of fear. Saying yes when I meant no. Selling offers I wasn’t aligned with. Constantly grasping for the next strategy or 5-step formula … exhausting myself trying to “make it work.”

And let’s be real. I was probably hungover, too.

I was perpetually hungover since by 4 pm, I truly hated my existence and got into the habit of drinking to forget!

And then, everything started crumbling.

I lost clients. My income dried up. The more I fought to hold it all together, the faster it slipped through my fingers.

At this point, I was getting very clear messages from God (in the most random ways):

“When things stop working, do nothing. Stop. Rest.“

But my EGO?!?!

It couldn’t handle giving up aka “failure.” It couldn’t handle the idea of going broke. It fought like hell. Until there was nothing left to fight.

This is when I decided to give everything up that had been built on my EGO. I mean, everything.

I moved back in with my mom at 39 years old. My bank account hit zero (actually -$193 at one point but minor detail 🤪).

My body was done. I had lived in survival mode for so long that when my system finally shut down, I wasn’t just exhausted—I was empty.

If I’m being truly honest with myself, I didn’t know if I even wanted to be here anymore.

So I stopped running. 🏃‍♀️

I let myself feel it all. The grief. The shame. The unworthiness.

The painful realization that I had been living someone else’s life—one my ego had created to gain approval, to feel safe, to be enough.

The Quantum Leap First REQUIRES the Quantum Crumble: Why Identity Collapse & Burnout Clear the Path for Your Next Level

What I didn’t realize at the time was that the breakdown was actually a breakthrough.

The crumbling was the clearing.

For the first time, I didn’t try to force my way out of the pain. I let it exist. I got curious about it. I held my inner child close and listened to what she needed.

I spent entire days just existing—no business strategy, no marketing plan, no forcing. Just healing.

Some days, I walked for hours in nature. Some days, I lay in bed, unable to move. Some days, the depression swallowed me whole.

But for the first time in my life, I wasn’t trying to escape it.

And then, slowly, something shifted.

One morning, I woke up and felt… lighter. Not because anything had magically changed overnight. But because I had.

I started putting feelers out for freelance work—work that felt good. I joined a gym. I did things from pleasure and alignment instead of pressure and ego.

And within 30 days? I had my highest cash month in a year and a half!!!

With a fraction of the effort. No social media. No networking. No chasing. Clients found me. Opportunities fell into my lap.

Because I had finally learned the truth …

A truth I used to roll my eyes 🙄 at when spiritual guru’s would preach it on the ‘Gram:

When you stop chasing, you start receiving. When you stop forcing, you start attracting.

The Phoenix Rising: A New Way of Living & BEING

I am at peace. My anxiety is gone. I feel safe in my body for the first time in my life. I have zero cravings for alcohol. There is no panic about money. I am free.

And that’s why Breaking Her Free exists.

Because I know there are women out there—high achievers, leaders, healers—who are secretly drowning under the weight of the life they’ve built.

Who feel like they have to keep the mask on, to keep striving, to keep proving. Who are afraid that if they stop, everything will fall apart.

And maybe it will. Maybe it needs to. It did for me.

But what if the crumbling isn’t the end? What if it’s the beginning?

What if everything falling apart is just making space for something better—something real, something aligned, something yours?

This is your invitation:
✨ To let go.
✨ To stop running.
✨To break free from the survival patterns keeping you stuck.
✨To surrender the fight and step into a new way of living—one where your body, not your mind, takes the lead.
✨Where ease replaces hustle.
✨Where joy replaces fear.
✨Where freedom isn’t just a dream, but your daily reality.

You don’t have to do it alone. I see you. I am you.

And if you’re ready to step into the life you were meant for, Breaking Her Free is here to walk with you.

You, my friend, are in the right place.

If you’ve felt the exhaustion of trying to keep it all together… If you’ve ignored the whispers of your soul for far too long… If you’re ready to stop pushing and start trusting…

Welcome home.

This is your time to rise.

Navigating Your Own Dark Night of the Soul: Your Questions Answered + Resources

If you’re reading this and resonating with my story, you might be wondering: Am I going through this too? or How do I move through it?

Here are some key signs and steps to help you understand where you are in your journey and what to do next:

1. How do you know if you’re approaching a Dark Night of the Soul?

• Everything that once worked—your career, relationships, coping mechanisms—suddenly stops working.
• You feel like you’re forcing life rather than flowing with it.
• A deep inner knowing that something has to change, even if you don’t know what.
• Unshakable exhaustion, burnout, or emotional numbness.
• A sense of disconnection from yourself, others, or even your purpose.

2. When should you surrender and let the awakening happen?

• When every attempt to control or fix things only makes them worse.
• When your body is begging for rest, and pushing through isn’t an option anymore.
• When the same lessons keep repeating themselves in different areas of your life.
• When your intuition is telling you to let go, even if your mind is resisting.

3. Symptoms before, during, and after the Dark Night of the Soul

• Before: Anxiety, burnout, emotional dysregulation, identity crisis, questioning everything.
• During: Deep grief, existential questioning, loneliness, ego death, feelings of loss and hopelessness.
• After: A sense of lightness, clarity, peace, realigned purpose, effortless manifestation, feeling more like your true self.

4. Signs you’re coming out of the cocoon season

• You wake up feeling lighter, even if nothing external has changed.
• Old fears, patterns, or attachments don’t have the same grip on you.
• You start receiving rather than chasing (clients, opportunities, relationships).
• You feel at peace even in uncertainty.
• You trust yourself and your path, even without knowing every step.

The Crumbling Isn’t Happening TO You – It’s Happening FOR You!

Trust the process, honor the breakdown, and know that on the other side of surrender is the most aligned version of you waiting to emerge.

Need Support? I got you! Here are a couple resources to help. xoxo